Have you ever been to a meeting after working for 9 hrs in office ??...Pheww !! I had been to one such meeting recently and the result was a disaster.
5.30 pm..I was desperately waiting to get out of office..only 30 minutes more and I would be a free bird...watch TV..sit online..but then I got this mail from my boss about a meeting which I would have to attend on Fraud Prevention.." What Fraud Prevention ??..What a $#%# topic..Why meeeee?? ".Forget about the boring topic ..this meeting was at a office which is about 2 hrs from my place. "DAMN IT !! I will have to rush" ..and my boss in his usual style said " Dimple this will be a life time ka experience..get the best out of it..thats why I suggested your name !! " (Life time ka experience..?? ) .In my mind I was like " Sir I don't want this experience..plzz you only go..don't send me..I am least interested"..but in front of him I opened my mouth as if I had won a miss Universe contest..."Wowww..!!! Thank you Sir..It will be soooo interesting "...I reached the place late..but was very sad to know that meeting had not yet started.After thoda time the meeting started..sadly there was not a single person whom I knew..The meeting was boring and the trainer was worse..Yawn and a double YAWNnnnnn from my side...my eyes were drooping and I was dozing off at regular intervals..
Don't know why but there is always a bugger in every meeting ( Let it be current office meetings or earlier college time meetings ) who feels fresh, active regardless of the shit topic being discussed..and has countless doubts..also these kind of species are least concerned about others.Now this kind was also present in my meeting.One point from the trainer 10 doubt's from his side...My sleep was getting disturbed because of him..every time he would ask a doubt ..our trainer would ask us the answer..toh naturally I would have to act as if I was thinking about the solution. Nodding my head time and again had caused a sprain in my neck, Torture had reached such a level..that different inventions that can be done (for people like me) where coming in my mind..what if I had some mechanism so that I could make a eye shape on my eyelid..people would think I am wide awake..but I would sleep inside...Heheheh nobody would come to know about that..and I would sleep silently...without anybody disturbing me..Zzzzzz....and then I would reach a jungle and suddenly fall in a hole...Thuddd!!....eeee I am awake ..I am awake...shit man I again dozed off in between..I kept my eyes wide open so that this would not happen again....Irritation level was increasing.."Abbe kya problem hai iski..kitna doubt hai isko..ek toh ghar pe jaane ke liye I am getting late..who is he where does he stay". But this went to deaf ears..people were really interested in this topic or may be they were just too good actors....actors...damn it ..what boring people..Suddenly I heard a voice "Excuse me ..can you just tell me what is the topic of discussion??.."..AAAHHHHH !!!! my soulmate...I looked sideways to know who was this person... He was sitting like Amitabh Bachan in DON watching Helen Dance..ek dum araam se...(sorry I just can't recollect his name ..so will call him Mr A )
Looks: 8 on 10
Attitude : 10 on 10
I was quite happy to have him ..(Not because of the above marks scored by him) but 'coz I was superior to him..at least I knew the topic of discussion..I said " Fraud prevention
of course "..
"Tch Tch that I know..what a waste of time..I would have reached home by this time.."
"Ya I swear ..on the top of it I am feeling so sleepy.."
He winked at me and said " Ya ya I saw that .."
" I was sleeping but still I know the topic..!!!"..I snapped back
"Ohh !! Don't get angry..I mean who wont feel sleepy.. even I was sleeping..I nearly fell off the chair...arre who wont sleep in his lecture..he is such a thakela Ramu Kaka "
"ya from puraane zamaane ka movies"
I tried to react to this stupid joke in a matured way by giving a expression of Was-That-A-Joke ..but ended up giggling like Amrita Singh of Chameli Ki Shaadi..
eeehhheee eehheee ( Plz don't take this for Keshto Mukherjee's laughter...)..
Me : " You were also sleeping ??..but how come I never saw this scene.."
Mr A : "Hahah that is the trick..You have to practice it..."
Me : "Yaaaa !! ..plz teach me how to sleep in meetings without anybody knowing it !!"
"You know what.. Usually I don't give coaching on this topic ..but in your case I will tell you how I manage it .."
Excited Me : "ok ok ready"
"You rest your hand on the table and put your chin on the top..this gives your neck immense satisfaction ..but your tired eyes get an excuse to doze off in between..experience has shown that every time you will sleep..your hands will slip from the table..and in case somebody catches a glimse of this scene..don't feel embarrassed..give a irritated expression and say "Sheh !! I think somebody had his lunch on this table..so much oil..my hand is slipping..!! "..95 % chances are that the person will also start complaining about one of his colleague's who makes the table dirty while eating ..and 5% chances are that you might get caught..but heyyy as it is you are not going to meet him again .."..
Surprised me :"Is that all ?? "
Confident Mr A:"Do you know every body in this round table meeting is sleeping..it is just that they are experienced like me..they know how to sleep with open eyes..why, didn't you notice..nobody is uttering even a single word."
Now I saw the people from his eyes..and yaa they all were sleeping..this male..he was so cool..and so goooood...hmm did I say good..naah he was god !!...;)
" But what about that gorilla..why is he asking so many doubts"
" Gorilla has to do that 'coz it is appraisal time..and the trainer.. is his boss"
"Ohh poor thing...are you not scared to doze off..what if the trainer catches you?"
He gave a very wicked smile , leaning towards me he said " You know what..he can't do that to me..'coz I AM HIS (TRAINER'S) BOSS and it is appraisal time !! "
I bit my lips.." What?? "
Giving a wink he smiled " Hahahha that was a joke..!! "
" Shit.. you scared me"
After receiving "Gyaan" from him I was all set to sleep confidently in the meeting..Thanks XYZ..
Though I still don't have much idea of how to prevent fraud..I have a fairly good idea of sleeping with my eyes open in office and now am Ready to Conquer any meeting !!..:))