Friday, August 16, 2013

Rikshaw Troubles !!!!


Bhaya Langford road chaloge"
" Langford roadaa !!!!...illa ilaa" (Note : dialogues have to be read with a tinge of south accent. )
Chalo na bhaya .." ...me pleading
"Vokey Rs 150 dena"
Rs 150 !!!!!!..arre bhaya 40 hi hota hai !!! "
Heheheh...40 Rs...!!!!  kyaaaaa Amma...toh hum naiii jana"....said he with a devlish smile..

Beginning of yet another beautiful day in Bangalore !!!!  Believe me I have nothing against Bangalore..I love so many things about it..like ..like the climate...and many other things that I can't think of right now..but yaa I ..I...love Bangalore... ( Sob Sob...OKKK I admit I love Mumbaiiiii...and I miss it like anything...now I know why they say once a Mumbaikar always a Mumbaikar ) .

In Bangalore the autodrivers are terrorists in green uniform...and they drive me nutsssss...!!!...I mean come on..everyday they have yet another unrealistic demand..and on top of it they call me their amma...!!!!....Nahiiiiiiiii..!!!..I think people should actually go on a morcha against them just for that reason..Hmmphhh !!! Then one day after being called amma for the one millionth time , I decided bas enough is enough , these autowala's should be taught a lesson...and from that moment itself ..yours only Mumbaikar took the responsibilities of female Shahenshah...aka Shahehshi.. Please accept my Bow.. 

Andheri raaton meiiiiii
Sunsaan raahon per 
Har zulm mitane ek masiha nikalti hai ..
Jisse autowaale Shahenshi kehte hain...



Thankyou Thank you



 The responsibilities included :
1. Catching a suspect cheater autodriver
2. Negotiating properly with him..
3. If anybody quoting an unrealistic amount 
 Then < give karara jawaab and forward his auto no to the traffic authority >
 This worked so many times that suddenly there was fear amongst all the autowalas of Bangalore. A fear of Shahenshi traveling in your auto and complaining about you. Traffic police of bangalore were flooded with auto numbers. Radios , Tv going on and on about Shahenshi...phew !!! Suddenly things were perfect..just perfect until oneday.....

*************************************

First of all some basic information ..my Mom (M) , my mother-in-law ( MIL )and Myself wanted to travel from location X to our house. As per Shahenshi rules I negotiated properly ..

Me : "Bhaya Koramangala chalenge"

Autowala ( A): "Hmm 120 Rs"
Me: " 120 Rs !!!...nahi bhaya 75 hi lagta hai yahan se"
A: " Nai madam raat hai 120 vonlyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!  "
Before I could open my mouth...M and MIL in chorus

Koiiiii baat nahi beta ....de denge..vaise bhi raat hai...isse less mei kya milega "
Me : "Arre yaar kya kar rahe ho..ye bangalore hai...ye inki aadat hai..ye toh kuch bhi bolega.."
 Leave it..de de"

Great !!! my crew members seemed like agents of the autogang...(God forbid if emotional atyaachaar people ever have to face such problems..)
M and MIL started their chit chat...

M : Chit
MIL : Chat..chit chit
M : chat chat...rat a tat
Me  : ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz
Suddenly I woke up...I looked around ...we were definitely somewhere else..

Me : " Bhayaa kidhar jaa rahe ho.. "
Autowala sleepily : " kworaamangalaa...(burp) "

Me: " Arre board mei toh Jayanagar dikha raha hai...."
Autowala silent

Me: " Turn maaro...abhi turn maaro...Take a right ..yahan se left lo...uss autowala se poocho...blah blah...and some more blah "

Atlast we reached home...phewwwwwww !!!..

Autodriver  : " Amma 200 dena "
Me : " 200 kyu..humne 120 bola tha na "
A (typical south accent ): " Tum ghoom ghoomke aana..itna petrol mera khana..isliye 200 "
Me : " Tumko humne Koramangala bola..tum kidhar bhi ghumaane le jaoge toh hum kya uske bhi paise denge?? " (Clap clap for me...thank u thank u )

Now our autodriver looked disapprovingly towards M and MIL..." Dekkko madam itna raat hai...abhi aisa bolte hain kya "

Suddenly I was Amrish puri and he was foreign returned son for my 2 Jaya bachans...kabhi khushi kabhi gham part 2 .

Now M and MIL strated talking in kashmiri: M1: " Ye chu gareeb bichor !!!...vayn kya chu di emis...kyuta zoov kadav emsund" ( Poor soul...he is very poor... its nothing..we cant suck his blood )

Me : " What ???... he is not a poor soul...plzzzz...I am not going to give anything extra to him..that too for taking us on a ride...Psst Psst ...mummmy mummy I wanted to tell you something..I am Shahenshi...remember that sansani episoe...its me ..me...All autowala's are scared of me...I complain to the police whenever I find any autowala doing cheating... "

But to my disappointment ...they were much more interested in the sad story of the autowala...

Autodriver : "Amma itna raat ko gaadi chalaneko mera aankh bhi dukhta tha...per mei kuch bola??...nai na..aur abhi madam aisa daantke baat karta... aisa acha hai kya ??....mere ghar pe bhi aap dono jaisa maa hai..mujhe ghar jana khaana leke ..amma ke liye.."

I saw a small tear escape their eyes...suddenly they took out money from their purses..and said " koi nai koi nai...ye lo beta paise jao.."
and turning to me.." Hatay bichor ... kya rovi...itpathan cha karaan..dumri dumri khatar chak paan maaraan..?? ".. ( Look at the poor boy...but whats wrong with you...for single single penny you have started to fight !!!! ")... aur  kya shahenshi behanchi laga rakha hai...khana toh theek se khaa nahi sakti...apni halat dekh... aur logon ka complaint karti rehti hai...tujhe jisne shahenshi banaya uska complaint karna chahiye... "

One tight slap on my face !!!!....Are eating and social activities related ??...Noooo !!!!...but for parents  somehow everything is related to eating , studying and what not...no wonder Superman, Spiderman, apna Indian Krishh had a flourishing career...yeahhh coz they never ever told their parents about it.. else their superhero career would also go down  the drains..!!! ...Sob sob..!!!

P.s : This happened a couple of years ago...so if currently you are the Shahenshi or Shahensha...dont worry I dont know your identity...it was just that I didn't get time to write about it when I was in your shoes...please continue your good work and here's a pat on your back..I am proud of you my dear...:)...but still if you want to say anything to me...Please be my guest and leave a Comment here..:)
























Thursday, May 19, 2011

Click ! Click !

Am finally back to my dearesssttttt blog spot...and it feels soooo good..seriously...for a person like me...who at every point in time whether in a bus or on a cycle, is busy making up stories and who at each point in life is ready to include the character of a "YET ANOTHER " stupid person..it was actually very difficult to control myself and be away from blogspot ..but such is life. Actually the last time I announced my marriage on my blogspot..I got very emotional comments from some handsome and some not so handsome guys...half of them even took on to drugs after hearing my new marital status...for them I can only pray that guys don't lose hope you will surely find an average girl for yourself..(heheheh..coz the best is already taken...;))).....)..and plzzzzzzzzz say no to drugs..:D...

In this break had been to Mauritius...and what a place it is ... beautiful..so romantic.....Now in Mauritius S and I were very sure we would have a really good time and would try to enjoy each and every moment..I mean how many times do you actually get a week off from office..hai na..so it was high time we left all our tensions at home. To make it more eventful we decided to enroll in for some adventure sports . So the first day we decided to go in for Paragliding... Arrangements were done and we were told by our agent that we would be joined by one more couple. Another couple...!!!!....insecure that I am..I immediately started instructing S to stay away from the girl..but I tell you boys will always be boys..he wore his gogs..styled his hair....thus raising my BP to an extreme level...

S : " Hey don't worry yaar I will not pay any special attention to her...but can't help it if she does " ..giving a wicked smile..
Angry me : "Hmmm... theek hai theek hai.."

Scene 2: Our vehicle stopped near a hotel...being a possessive wife and a jealous one too (like a true bhartiya naari )..I kept peeping through the car window to get a clear view of the couple who would be joining us....from a distance I saw two Indian Uncle's approaching our car...both of them in their 50's..very fat...wearing dehati goggles...
" Hmmm okkk.."..surprised me
" Heyyyyy what the heck...are they a couple???? "...disappointed S..;)

Uncle 1 and Uncle 2 sat with us, raised their gogs and gave a widddddddeee smile...
we returned a grin ...

Uncle 1 : " Ahhhh Indianss ??? "
S : " Yes.. "
Uncle 2 looking at both of us suspiciously..then suddenly winking at S and asking...
" Hmmmm.....Friends haaaaaaaaan????? "
Me trying to clarify : " No no no we are married..."
Uncle 2 : " Hahahah ok ok...good good "
S : " So where are you both from ??? "
Uncle 1 : " Jee we are from Chandigarh...we have come here for holidays.."
" Ohh good good "..we both sang in chorus.

The whole way they kept on talking and talking and..talking...as if they had a bloody motor inside their mouth. After 1 hr which in their company seemed like 10 whole days..we reached that place ..
Atlaaassst fresh air...and paragliding...boss it was a wonderful experience.. ( This is highly recommended to everyone....believe me you feel like a bird...wowwww...:) )

Now if you are married or have a Bf/Gf you would understand this universal truth.. that if you go out on a romantic holiday or an outing with your other half..you end up having no pics clicked together as a couple.. In our case it is the same thing...our fb accounts are filled with my pics in different poses..some under a tree ..some on top of a tree and that too trees at different locations.. and poor S gets left with minimum pics...that too don't turn out that well ( I mean..come on.. everybody is not blessed with a photogenic face like mine nooooo....:P....sorry S....heyy but you are improving...:) )..and only one or two pics together..so half the time we have to explain to everybody that baba we had gone to X place together onlyyyy....But this time S came up with an idea ...S being one hell of a fighter...had decided that this time he would have as many pics as mine...better than mine..and even couple pics...so that everybody would know who had spent the bucks on these trips...hmmm fair enough I thought..but how??
" Uncles kab kaam aayenge...!!!...we will ask these uncles to take our pics...as it is ..what will they do here... "..S suggested
It was a moment of pride for me..I always knew S was meant to do big things in life...
" Tum mahaan ho S..waah "...Sob sob..

So we jumped into action..we could see both Uncles...I went to one of the uncles..
" Aaaankeeel aankeel ( Plz pronounce it the way it is...my friend used to call uncles as aaankeeeel...and all indian uncles used to find it soo sweet that all uncles..however rude they were would melt like butter and from rude uncle would turn into Santa clause clone aaankeeels...ho ho ho..)...aaankeeel aaankeel..will you please take our pic together.."...
and like I said...aankeel melted..

" Jarroorr jee jarooor...take a pose take a pose"
S and I flashed our smiles...hurriedly S combed his hair...confidently put his hand on my shoulder and we both gave a pose of Hum saath saath hain...

Uncle : " Wonderful jee...wonderful"...showing even with sign language of his fingers that what a wonderful pic that would be... " One more pic ho jaaye jee one more pic .."

Again we gave another pose...Uncle seemed so happy with our talent that he too decided not to be left behind..and started click click click...
After 2 -3 pics ...We took the camera from Uncle and hurriedly wanted to check what had been saved...
I still remember.. when we saw the pics...S and I looked at each other with a mixed reaction..it was a complicated one..laughter ..trembling lips..confusion and shock...
The first pic didn't have our body only..it only had our 2 smiling heads in the background of a wide open sky...and second pic had the photo of only one ear.. I still don't know whether it was S's ear..my ear or freaking somebody else's ear...!!!!..

Aaaaaankeeeeeeeellllll ye tumne theek nahi kiya...!!!!..tumne humara pyaar dekha hai gussa nahiiiiiiii....
.......arre how was it possible that somebody would not even know how to use a camera....arre if he didnt know..he should have told us na baba...wastage of time and pose..

But not for our 2 aankeels ...I think this gave them some idea..coz after sometime.. we could see them approaching all bikini clad girls and repeating the question to them :
" Madam Do u want us to take your photooograp???.."

And innocent that these foreigner kudi's are ..they very sweetly would handover their cameras to these uncles...they would take a photograph and do some timepass talks with them..
Now everything was ok..but imagine..the reaction of these foreigners when they would see the end result on their cameras...India's name totally ruined...stupid aaaankeeeels...

To cut a long story short ....Phewwww...whole Mauritius trip was excellent except for ofcourse the uncle part..and yes again we ended up having separate S's pics.. ( this time with little improvement).., my separate pics ( mind blowing as usual ) and the 2 smiling faces of our's dangling together...:D


P.S :
Do leave your comments to let me know if you liked my post or have any suggestions for me ....and for spammers please keep your dirty fingers out of my blog...








Monday, July 05, 2010

Ajab Ghar Ki Gajab Kahani !!!!

It was Monday morning...yawwn !!..I was feeling feverish..had stomach pain...had a headache and I think vomiting sensation too....hmmm is that enough or something else is required??....naaaahhhh...like everyone else in this world ..just had my monday blues...yeahh would have to go to office...yawnnnn...!!!

As usual Monday seemed perfect for picnic, hiking, biking but not for office..Like me everyone in office seemed to be in the same state of mind...


" Heyy Srinu kya yaar neend aa raha hai..."
" Me too yaar..am planning to go on a sales call..you wanna come...?? "


Sales Call...yeahhh thats right..what better than a sales call...with a fake " Biiiiig Client " . I had never done that before..but I knew Srinu topped in these clients...so I was in..:)

We took permission from our boss...told a false story about The Big Daddy of all the customers..and how he seemed sooooo interested in our policies...Hopped on to the bike and ran away..


Me : " Oye where are we going ?? "
Srinu : " Arre baba for a customer call..."
Me : " Yeah but is he like really interested in our product?"
Srinu : " Big deal yaar...TP karenge..aur apne apne ghar jaayenge..tomorrow we will tell boss that the other bank reached there first...or something like he was technically so strong that he found out loop holes in our product..chiiiiiiill ..."

Hmmmm fair enough..so no tension of getting caught..phewww..!!!..I tell you now a days everybody is becoming cleverer day by day.



After 20 min of bike ride we reached a bunglow...I could sense that there was some type of a construction going on in their house.


" Hi Srinu"
" Good Morning Mr Rudra "
" Come come ..I am sorry we are kind of redecorating our house..very sorry for the mess"
Me and srinu in chorus..
" Hahahah no no sir..with the mess it looks just like our branch...heheh...homely atmosphere for us.."

Mr Rudra seemed to be a very sweet person..I could notice his stomach paunch..;P..he smiled gently and led us inside his house. He introduced us to Mrs Rudra who was a beautiful woman ..with a paunch in the making ...:P. Once I entered the house this blog will turn more of my observations/ reviews about the inmates...and less about the product we tried to pitch..:)

Characters:

1.) Mr Rudra and Mrs Rudra (It's not about them..excuse me but I never pull down my clients..as it is ..they offered me Gulab Jamun..which I liked a lot.:P )


2.) Senior Mr Rudra and Senior Mrs Rudra..let me call Rudra as R

3.) Grand Mr R and and Grand Mrs R
(P S : Guest appearance Little Boy R )


No need to search for a 4th point.. for the Grandest Mr R..coz my friends we are talking about humans here not tortoises..Hmmph


Here I go : ( You owe me a lot my dear R for making me write this blog...:) )



Sitting on the sofa when we came in was an old woman..I thought she was Mr Rudra's mother..but then he clarified she was his granny...
Ooops !!!...she had definitely maintained herself...


Granny :
She seemed lost in some other world..she did not get up when we came in..she remained seated and kept thinking about something..as if she was getting encrypted messages from the outer world..and she was trying to decode it for the others benefit.Suddenly she looked at me..and said..

" Ohh so you came..haan...good I was waiting for you...you used to stay in our neighbourhood right...I think your granny and I were childhood friends..you know when I was young I used to play a lot with her...and blah blah...then I broke my ankle..but then I..blah blah blah.."...


Like you all know about my patience and sweetness..I kept on listening to her .. tried to understand the context of our conversation...I tried to understand each and every word without fail..there were words that I could not understand..I had to do lip reading for them..but my friends I did not give up.. ( Phewww !!!...so sweet of me...Thanku thanku..:) )...In short I tried to kill maximum time..so that I would not have to go back to the branch... ;)


But my concentration was broken..by a loud thumping noise. Somebody was racing down the stairs...I could not a catch a glimpse of anything..it was so fast...as if it had a motor fitted to it ..

Was that a bird ?....was that a plane..?...ohhh or is it supermaaaaaann !!!
"Ehm ! Ehm ! Its my father "...interrupted Mr Rudra..

Senior Mr Rudra seemed to be in a hurry...he had a paint can in his hand..and was rushing with lightening speed towards an unknown destination...followed by a cute little boy again with smaller version of that can ..wearing what would have been a very nice and cute top..but was now full of paint. He seemed to be running his head off...up the stairs and then down the stairs..with that can...( What he was trying to do is still unknown..)...thanks to Mrs Rudra who came in time, took the can from their hands..did the necessary work in less than a min..that he stopped thumping on the stairs and set out for some other mission..
" Up up and awaaaaaaayyyyyyy..."....woww..he really must have been a Superman fan ..

With him leaving the scene...Suddenly I heard a soft music coming from somewhere..

Background music...


Ohhhhh Noooori..Noooori...
aajaaa reeeee....

A sudden wind blew...and then she came in slow motion with a candle in her hand...I figured she was senior Mrs Rudra...


She sat next to me...looked at me...did some pushups with the candle (like a dumbbell )...smiled at me..and said..I do this exercise everyday..You know the doc has actually asked me for a complete bedrest...(stressing on complete..to make it clear for me ) I looked at her from top to bottom ..she looked healthier than me...I mean in comparison to her I looked like a Jaundice patient..:P


" Ohh bed rest..tch tch...what happened you not well..???"...showing my specialized fake sympathy...
She seemed to be a bigger actress than me..she acted like Rajesh Khanna from Anand and said
" Naaa reeee....Ab mei kya kahun...even the docs cant figure out..they say...give bed some rest..and do some exercise..so I figured out that I needed bed rest and little exercise..God only knows what is happening inside our bodies.."

I smiled ackwardly understanding exactly what the docs would have meant.Her talks were never ending...she told me about how even if she is not well she does more work than her daughter in law..( Mrs Rudra )..which I think was absurd..with her Noorie charachter and slow motion drifting I wondered how much work she actually did ??..To be honest the whole day I could see Mrs R doing maximum and smart work as compared to others...also on how the servant had become a badtameez...and would not listen to her...hmmm which seemed possible ..with her Noooorie attitude...:). This time too kept on listening to her rants as I was the chosen one for all her complaints...hmmm but never mind...thats my job..you got to lose something in order to gain a chutti from office..

Last but not the least came Grand Mr Rudra...If you guys have seen Mork and Mindy show...he was a replica of Exidor..for those who have no clue what I am talking about take a peep..


He was cranky about something...upset that something had gone wrong and but sadly he was the only one who could sense that something...


In the midst of this something something...and after meeting so many characters ..I think I lost myself...and started hearing and sensing something something myself...Thankgod for Srinu..who suddenly brought me back into real life..
" Dimple he is taking our policy...yeahhhh!!!! ...fass gaya fass gaya..boss khush ho jaayega.."

What.. did he say policy mei koi fass gaya ??
Priceless...so many characters under one roof...Tp ka TP and one policy freeeeeeeee....yet another mission accomplished...:))

Monday, August 10, 2009

Jab We Met (Part 2) ..Gathering Troubles

" Hellooo !!!!"
Me : " Namaste Aunty !!! "
"
Looking very pretty...sooooo ..feeling nervous ?? "
Me after fake blushing : " Hehheheh....hmmm..ya a little nervous...and hows every one??"
"
Everyone is fine...heheheh....chalo all the best...byee"
"
Thanks Aunty"

Okkkk now who was she???....a new question..a new doubt..

If you are still thinking what exactly is going on in this post..then boyzzzz and gurlzzzzzz....it was my marriage reception ...(
Sorry to break all handsome and not so handsome hearts )...well yes I got married and on my reception day I realised I had a memory power of Aamir Khan from Ghajini....
Those who are married and have undergone this experience will know what I am talking about..and those who still have not got married..you should really undergo such tests..this will help you in analyzing yourself.. knowing your strong points..your intelligence.. whether you have an inbuilt acting and modeling talent or not ...and to know whether you have a photo genic face..or that of a scare crow..;P..

Receptions/Marriages are like reality shows...In front of the camera..nothing can go wrong..its all perfect..Bride HAS to look beautiful..Groom HAS to look like a prince..and a fairytale is captured by the camera man..with varied background music.. (such songs which you might have never even heard before)...but off camera..silly mistakes..goof up can happen..

"
Hey was she your aunt or mine??"
"
Pata nahi re....we will ask somebody else afterwards..keep smiling...video shooting ho raha hai"..said S in full enthu
Lights camera action..one smile from my side..one pose from S's side..and there was no end to the imagination of the photographer...sometimes you are asked to give a serious pose of Amitabh Bachan and Jaya Bachan from Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam...sometimes a exra happy look from Hum Saath Saath Hain...but after giving so many poses..you get so frustrated ..so tired..that you start looking like Sridevi from Nagin..;)....

"
Sir ...hello sir...aap seat pe betho ..and madam aap seat ke handle pe betho.."
Gr888...
"
Sir smile toh do..wo dekho madam ko...kaise hase jaa rahi hai.."
(
Believe me one photographer said exactlyyyy this to me..I was not even smiling da..I dont know why he said that..but I got sooo bloody conscious that I stopped smiling only)

"
Heyy..kya hai wo aunty ke plate mei...slurrpppp ...kya tasty lag raha hai"
" Arre humko nahi milega kya...??....humko khaana kab milega??Humara number kab aayega??"

Yup this was the worst part when I could see everybody enjoying other than the two of us...people having tasty tasty Tandoori chicken, Paneer pakode, Spring rolls ..yum yum ...was feeling like a roadside beggar watching rich kids have their food..."
Humko kuch kaane ko dede baii"..

But damn ..cant eat on stage...imagine all my pics coming with one plate in hand..Hmmm not a good sight..


On top of all this... when you see so many people together in the same hall, you keep forgetting their names.. their connection with you...how you know them..when you met..etc etc blah blah..BUT you need to act...act as if he / she is the chosen one "for your marriage"..
But this acting has to be done under proper guidance..else things can go wrong..and YOU CAN BE CAUGHT MID WAY..
"
Namakaaarrr beta...kaise ho"..(In a typical Kashmiri accent)
"
Namaste uncle..mei theek hun..aur sab log kaise hain"
"
Waray waray...che parznovthas beh??" ( Everyone is fine..Btw did you recognize me?)
"
Heheheheh...(Damn no...)..haan uncle ..parznovum" ( Yeah recognized )
"
Acha kus chus beh?? "..( Ok so who am I..??)
"
Hehheeh ( God plzzzz help me..S say something..arre whose uncle is he??...)..hehehe...Priyanka didi's dad right ( who Prinyanka..which Priyanka..dont ask) "
Uncle with a surprised look..."
Hatay kusi Priyanka....beh chus Boytoth.."..[ What Priyanka ..which Priyanka...I am Boytoth..](For those who are not kashmiris..Boytoth is a name..it is not like Boy George...it is Boytoth...hmmm a different name ...pronounced in a different way..kashu people will know..what I am talking abt..;))

"
Ohhh acha acha..sorry thoda confuse ho gayi thee.."
"
Hatay confuse chak gasan..tohy bambi wayl chu sory keh mashraavaan..wal wayn..naal muth teh myooth karay..."..(Confused !!!..kids from Bombay forget everything..come here will give you a hug..)
In kashimiris..hugging each and every relative is of utmost importance...so you can imagine our halat..when you have to standup every now and then and keep hugging people...its damn tiring..and you get programmed...Smile..Stand ...hug..sit (In a Recursive mode)

In the end when our stage "performance" was over..I gave a sigh of relief that now nothing could go wrong.We atlast went for having our long awaited dinner ..suddenly my mom came with 2 gentlemen
"
Everything went fine na !!"...asked my mom
"
oh yes.."
"
Oh btw did you meet them..they were saying Dimple Didi ko ab tak nahi mile.."
Since I was still in my recursive mode..so before hearing the whole story..I got ready to give my 2 brothers..who wanted to meet thr Dimple didi a robotic hug..when suddenly my mom said
"
Hay hay...Yem che waaaaz aamat"...( Heyyy...they are the cooks)

Phewww Thank God didnt do anything....this only meant that still anything could happen...like I said..Receptions are like reality shows...any thing can happen at anytime...I hope you people too are successful in keeping your silly mistakes...and popatness off camera..All the Best.. :)


( PS : All characters and names used in this post are fictitious in nature..and boss in case you find some similarity with your character or name......then be happy with the 2 min fame that you are getting because of me..and promise that you will write a post and make me the heroine in that ..:) )




Thursday, April 09, 2009

Jab We Met...

People who have met me know that I talk a lot..I got this habit since the time I was 2 yrs old..yup... from that time onwards.. I have been talking non stop...Sometimes on a topic and sometimes without anyyyy topic...Phewww!! But there are times when you can't do even things you are very good at..and same thing happened to me...
yes my dear friends..it happened " Jab we Met "...I mean when I met " S " for the first time...

My parents were worried about my shaadi..no not because I had any problems...it was because the astrologer broke out a secret that I AM A MANGALIK...yeahh..(not that there is any big deal about it..you can refer to my discussion on it from my earlier post Duhh !! ..............). Now the point here is that the astro uncle was quite clear that kundli had to be matched properly ..and my damned kundli was not matching with anyone..not even with the tree ... hero of my Mangalik blog .
Then suddenly one day one kundli came ...PERFECT MATCH..!!!...(Touch wood Touchwood..
Adding to my touchwood touchwood...I will add a song too..Jammu truck driver special..

Buri nazar waale
Tu sao saal jeeye
Aur jab tak tu jiye
Tere bacche tera khoon peeye


waah waah waah waah
)

The boy was S...very qualified...MBA from a very reputed college..who had always stood Ist in his class...and where I was concerned...for me...I had always stood Ist in the queue while going back home from school..yes always....:)) !!!

15th Dec 07 was decided as the date when I would for the first time meet a guy for shaadi (Marriage ) talks..
That day ..believe me I was not at all tense..I was feeling confident...my parents were more tense than me...
" Vayn karze na badtameezi .."..( " Now dont misbehave over there") instructed my granny as if I was a ruffian kid going to meet my school principal..

" Don't worry granny dear, it will be fine...and mom plzzz...if I show signs of disinterest to you...plzz save me..just check out the status after maybe 20-30 mins...if he is boring me to death ..then do anything..use any excuse but plzz you will have to save me "
For me it was very simple...if the boy throws attitude and shows off his qualifications...I will show him my attitude..but in case the boy is good..then I would have to make him say yes for me..(Boss I cant get so many leaves from office..) so it had to be now or never ...

15 th Dec..I took a HALFDAY from office ..(see I didn't get a leave that day also ..and you are thinking why it had to be now or never)..

SCENE 1 :Mom and me waiting for them to turn up..
SCENE 2 : Entry of S, his mom and a common Aunty
SCENE 3: Both of us trying to know each other as much as we could...Now when we were talking with each other..one thing was clear,he had done all types of R&D about me...hmmm..he was ek dum well prepared..where I was concerned it was a usual case for me ...attending exam without any preparation .
My eagle eye vision and Chacha Chaudhary wala tez dimaag se I could make out that he was a very good boy and very down to earth..I don't remember any instance when he tried to show off in front of me...that meant only one thing...Mission SAY YES had to be started:

That meant giving a biiiiiiiiig smile after regular intervals...showing off my 32 teeth...[Now coz I already look a little like Ashwarya Rai and hmmm ... a little like Kareena...then you can imagine the effect my smile would have on him..sorry I seriously don't like to point this out..but don't have any other choice...so modest..thanku thanku..( Ok...those who know the reality can continue with the next line)]...and would have to use a little bit of my acting talent..

As far as he was concerned he wanted to show how much effort he had put in knowing me... After every 5 mins he would shoot " Yet Another tricky " question at me...and I was not prepared with even one answer....I didn't know what to ask...how to ask..and what to answer..:P

" So what are your expectations from your husband"
"Hmmm expectations...oh yes ..many expectations..He has to be caring, sweet, I need security in life..so he has to be well settled.."
"and??"
" and and hmmmm nothing..."
Dratt I was not even able to cook any more expectations on spot
" Are you serious ???...these are the only expectations?? I mean other girls have a list of it"
Ooops !!!..now what ..how I wish I could have a peep into these lists..may be I was forgetting something..I had to act confident ...had to do something...Ahhhhh !!! Acting Lesson no 2, dialogue no 242 would have to be used here ...
" Hmmm...other girls may have many expectations...BUT I... am a very simple girl....who does not have many expectations...coz expectation leads to unnecessary misery and suffering "

I saw him yawning like anything...ooopppsss ...I have always had this problem of overacting...dialogue no 242 had always been a failure..
S tried to change the topic after hearing this answer...I think he was shocked and didn't want a female version of Buddha ..

" What all things do you like"
" I like to sing , dance, talk,read novels.."
" and??"
" and...and many things... I .. I like everything.."
Why why does he include AND after hearing every answer...shucks...!!!

"I have heard...you are a big time kanjoos"
" Whatt kanjoos me???...who told u that.??."

" well got to know through my sources..and that too you never used to share your tiffin??"


NOT SHARING MY TIFFIN???!!!!!...it was then that I realized that he had seen my orkut profile also...and these friends of mine had not written any good thing about me..it was all about my kanjoosi..).

" Heheheh...these friends of mine don't have any other work...they have written all wrong things about me..actually mei kanjoos nahi thee...wo log confuse ho gaye ..hehheeh...wo jhooth bol rahe hain...mei thodi si hi thee..ab mei theek hun.."

" hahahah..oh I see...you can also ask questions..it should not be a one sided session...it has to be more interactive"
" Yes sir..ohh i mean yes S "
Now I thought even I should ask something..so I copied all his questions
" Now you tell me What do u like??"
" ehm ehm...this was my question..you are asking my questions.."
" yaaaa..coz I am not prepared..thought of copying it from you"
" ok ..but only once..after this you have to ask your own questions.."
" Ohh sure.."..
I showed off my 32 beautiful teeth..and hypnotized him in such a way..that I copied all his questions..and he didnt point out even once..:D

" Come lets go out for a walk..." S said after sometime
" Oh sure..."....Heheheh now was my chance to earn some extra points I thought..

While having a walk we talked about so many things..(many secret talks that I will not tell you for free...)

" Hmm had a great time today with you..I will drop you home"...said S romantically
Yesssss mission was proving to be successful... Thanku thanku
" Yeah same here...but need to go to my uncles place now..everyone is waiting there"
" No probs..I will drop you there..."
BLUSH BLUSH..." hmmm ok..if you insist.." ..I spoke like a new sharmili bride..
We walked and talked...we talked and walked...while talking and walking I got so engrossed..that after sometime I just didnt know which road to take...We had suddenly reached a place ..which I had never seen..it seemed like a mini kabristan...shucks..now how to tell him..what would he think about me...Mannnnn !!!! I got so pissed off ...I had no clue what to do...
" Hey do you by any chance know where we are??" I asked him
" No why are you asking me..I dont even stay in Mumbai"
" Ohh good..coz even I dont know..but dont worry...let me just call up and find my uncles address"
"ok"...surprisingly he seemed cool about it...
On the other hand my parents were mad at me.." Kya goyyy che..su kya asay sochaaan"(Wts the matter wid u..now wt will he think)..
" Psst Mom please dont scold me..plz tell me the address..I m lost"..I whispered
Atlast I got the address ..I gave S a biiiiig smile..." Got the address... now we will leave"
" Ok.."...
ok !!!!again just ok..may be he was having some after thoughts..may be I was going to get rejected..I looked at him nervously...he seemed dazed..it was then that I realized... he was still in hypnotized state...phewwww...good for me !!!..that meant he would never remember half the things..
We took a rick and went directly to my uncles place ..where all my cousins were hanging from the window grill just to have a glimpse..introduced him to everyone and bade him bye..

Hmmmm that day if you see we were together for more than 6 hrs...In the end it was a YES from my side...(Clap..clap for me...)..and my SAY YES mission was successful...he also said yes...:)..( Yeahhhh thanku thanku.... another round of applause ).

P.S :In case you need tips on SAY YES...or hypnotizing lessons ( BEWARE: It is effective only till courtship period...not after marriage..;)..)..or may be some acting lessons ( With free over acting tips) ..u can always approach me...:)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Want To Be Me...

A Little Sweet, A Little Sour
A Little Close Not Too Far
All I Need, All I Need
Is To Be Free....

Let Me In Without A Shout
Let Me In I Have A Doubt
There Are More,Many More
Many Many Many More Like Me...

Open Eyed How I Run
How I Run To The Other Side
Then I Glide Like A Bird
I Just Want To Be Me

Udne Ko Sau Pankh Diye Hain
Chadne Ko Khula Aasmaan
Mudne Ko Hai Karwat Karwat
Aur Badhne Ko Mera Jahan

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Frustrated Mind

What happens when 2 frustrated minds meet each other?? Result -------> This blog

Holiday is usually a treat for lazy girls like me, but this Sunday.. I was feeling soooo restless...When I say restless..it usually means..talking a lot..jumping from one place to another...beating up people..or day dreaming about things like magic carpet,ring or anything that can make me feel different or one up from others. During my childhood days I wanted to have a invisible cloak..so that I could go to the place where the exam papers were being corrected or set..so that I could either give my self full marks..or leak out the papers from there...:)
And not to forget my magic ring.. to find whether the classmate whom I liked, had any hidden feelings for me in return ..:P

That Sunday as I was all alone at my place..with nobody to talk to...no scraps on orkut to check..and nobody to beat or do masti with...day dreaming was the only TP thing that I could do successfully.
Entry of my cousin..

Me :" Tell me one thing ...you are a Engineer right?"

He looked at me suspiciously : " Yup...but hold on..I am a Electronic Engineer....so I cannot repair any software fault in your computer...you see that is out of portion..we are not taught that yaar"

" Oh I see...what are you taught in college"
" Sis we are taught..anything and everything that is not useful in practical world..;) ..that is a harsh reality...Phewwww...sob sob"

" Heheheh.....ok ok..no I was going to ask you something else..yaar being a Engineer...tell me one thing..can you make something for me...that can be useful for me"

" As in ??"

" As in... something yaar..something different....may be a wing or something "

" Wing???..which wing....wing for this building??....naah that comes under civil Engineering"

" No stupid...wing ..human wings....so that one can fly"

" Fly?????..Where do you want to fly?"

Me : " I mean just think yaar...removable wings..When I have to go to office..I will go to the terrace ..slowly see if nobody is watching me... will attach those wings..and start flying...go to office...land on the terrace....remove the wings..keep it in my bag...then everybody will say..'Hey when did you come??..didn't see you coming !!! '...and then I will have this hidden smile on my face..hehehhe...you ..you got it..?? "

He was looking at me with disbelief...as if I had committed a sin in front of him..as if I was a psycho or something..
Cousin to me..clearing his throat: " Ehm...Ehm..Oh...I see..... "

Now I was quite embarrassed...'coz these are thoughts ..thoughts that usually you do not speak in public. I mean we all ( I think so)..get these thoughts..but we keep them in mind..we never speak them aloud . I was sure he was a bit worried now about me...and was ready to hear his comment about ..' DIMPLE GO AND SEE A DOC'

I said " Yes...go on"
" No I was just thinking yaar....you often get these thoughts kya??"
" Ya..I mean...just like that yaar..for passing my time..."..I said defending myself..before he would suggest any doctors name.

" Ok..but then don't you think something is wrong in this"
" Wrong?? "..I gulped down a big saliva..and nearly choked myself..

He gave me a very serious look.." Ya I mean suppose you have got wings to fly...then there is a danger of Eagles and other big birds yaar..what if they damage my Human wing..It can be very dangerous..." Suddenly his tone turned accusing.." What if you fall down..and people see you??...Madam..nothing will happen to you because of the automatic parachute. But all intelligence agencies will come to know about this great invention..and about the brains behind this successful creation...I can be in danger...no yaar I will not give it to you...too risky...I will think of some other plan.."..saying this he left my room..

"
Aaiiiinnn????!!!!! ...ok"

Blank look on my face....followed by a biiiiiiiiiiiiig smile...I am not alone....my dearest cousin by my side...as we both fly and conquer the world..:)