" Bhaya Langford road chaloge"
" Langford roadaa !!!!...illa ilaa" (Note : dialogues have to be read with a tinge of south accent. )
" Chalo na bhaya .." ...me pleading
"Vokey Rs 150 dena"
" Rs 150 !!!!!!..arre bhaya 40 hi hota hai !!! "
" Heheheh...40 Rs...!!!! kyaaaaa Amma...toh hum naiii jana"....said he with a devlish smile..
Beginning of yet another beautiful day in Bangalore !!!! Believe me I have nothing against Bangalore..I love so many things about it..like ..like the climate...and many other things that I can't think of right now..but yaa I ..I...love Bangalore... ( Sob Sob...OKKK I admit I love Mumbaiiiii...and I miss it like anything...now I know why they say once a Mumbaikar always a Mumbaikar ) .
In Bangalore the autodrivers are terrorists in green uniform...and they drive me nutsssss...!!!...I mean come on..everyday they have yet another unrealistic demand..and on top of it they call me their amma...!!!!....Nahiiiiiiiii..!!!..I think people should actually go on a morcha against them just for that reason..Hmmphhh !!! Then one day after being called amma for the one millionth time , I decided bas enough is enough , these autowala's should be taught a lesson...and from that moment itself ..yours only Mumbaikar took the responsibilities of female Shahenshah...aka Shahehshi.. Please accept my Bow..
Andheri raaton meiiiiii
Sunsaan raahon per
Har zulm mitane ek masiha nikalti hai ..
Jisse autowaale Shahenshi kehte hain...
Thankyou Thank you
The responsibilities included :
1. Catching a suspect cheater autodriver
2. Negotiating properly with him..
3. If anybody quoting an unrealistic amount
Then < give karara jawaab and forward his auto no to the traffic authority >
This worked so many times that suddenly there was fear amongst all the autowalas of Bangalore. A fear of Shahenshi traveling in your auto and complaining about you. Traffic police of bangalore were flooded with auto numbers. Radios , Tv going on and on about Shahenshi...phew !!! Suddenly things were perfect..just perfect until oneday.....
First of all some basic information ..my Mom (M) , my mother-in-law ( MIL )and Myself wanted to travel from location X to our house. As per Shahenshi rules I negotiated properly ..
Me : "Bhaya Koramangala chalenge"
Autowala ( A): "Hmm 120 Rs"
Me: " 120 Rs !!!...nahi bhaya 75 hi lagta hai yahan se"
A: " Nai madam raat hai 120 vonlyyyyyyyyy !!!!!! "
Before I could open my mouth...M and MIL in chorus
" Koiiiii baat nahi beta ....de denge..vaise bhi raat hai...isse less mei kya milega "
Me : "Arre yaar kya kar rahe ho..ye bangalore hai...ye inki aadat hai..ye toh kuch bhi bolega.."
" Leave it..de de"
Great !!! my crew members seemed like agents of the autogang...(God forbid if emotional atyaachaar people ever have to face such problems..)
M and MIL started their chit chat...
M : Chit
MIL : Chat..chit chit
M : chat chat...rat a tat
Me : ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz
Suddenly I woke up...I looked around ...we were definitely somewhere else..
Me : " Bhayaa kidhar jaa rahe ho.. "
Autowala sleepily : " kworaamangalaa...(burp) "
Me: " Arre board mei toh Jayanagar dikha raha hai...."
Me: " Turn maaro...abhi turn maaro...Take a right ..yahan se left lo...uss autowala se poocho...blah blah...and some more blah "
Atlast we reached home...phewwwwwww !!!..
Autodriver : " Amma 200 dena "
Me : " 200 kyu..humne 120 bola tha na "
A (typical south accent ): " Tum ghoom ghoomke aana..itna petrol mera khana..isliye 200 "
Me : " Tumko humne Koramangala bola..tum kidhar bhi ghumaane le jaoge toh hum kya uske bhi paise denge?? " (Clap clap for me...thank u thank u )
Now our autodriver looked disapprovingly towards M and MIL..." Dekkko madam itna raat hai...abhi aisa bolte hain kya "
Suddenly I was Amrish puri and he was foreign returned son for my 2 Jaya bachans...kabhi khushi kabhi gham part 2 .
Now M and MIL strated talking in kashmiri: M1: " Ye chu gareeb bichor !!!...vayn kya chu di emis...kyuta zoov kadav emsund" ( Poor soul...he is very poor... its nothing..we cant suck his blood )
Me : " What ???... he is not a poor soul...plzzzz...I am not going to give anything extra to him..that too for taking us on a ride...Psst Psst ...mummmy mummy I wanted to tell you something..I am Shahenshi...remember that sansani episoe...its me ..me...All autowala's are scared of me...I complain to the police whenever I find any autowala doing cheating... "
But to my disappointment ...they were much more interested in the sad story of the autowala...
Autodriver : "Amma itna raat ko gaadi chalaneko mera aankh bhi dukhta tha...per mei kuch bola??...nai na..aur abhi madam aisa daantke baat karta... aisa acha hai kya ??....mere ghar pe bhi aap dono jaisa maa hai..mujhe ghar jana khaana leke ..amma ke liye.."
I saw a small tear escape their eyes...suddenly they took out money from their purses..and said " koi nai koi nai...ye lo beta paise jao.."
and turning to me.." Hatay bichor ... kya rovi...itpathan cha karaan..dumri dumri khatar chak paan maaraan..?? ".. ( Look at the poor boy...but whats wrong with you...for single single penny you have started to fight !!!! ")... aur kya shahenshi behanchi laga rakha hai...khana toh theek se khaa nahi sakti...apni halat dekh... aur logon ka complaint karti rehti hai...tujhe jisne shahenshi banaya uska complaint karna chahiye... "
One tight slap on my face !!!!....Are eating and social activities related ??...Noooo !!!!...but for parents somehow everything is related to eating , studying and what not...no wonder Superman, Spiderman, apna Indian Krishh had a flourishing career...yeahhh coz they never ever told their parents about it.. else their superhero career would also go down the drains..!!! ...Sob sob..!!!
P.s : This happened a couple of years ago...so if currently you are the Shahenshi or Shahensha...dont worry I dont know your identity...it was just that I didn't get time to write about it when I was in your shoes...please continue your good work and here's a pat on your back..I am proud of you my dear...:)...but still if you want to say anything to me...Please be my guest and leave a Comment here..:)